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Jan Ove
Full Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 6:48 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house.

He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure.

She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal.

Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.

He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.

He woke in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."

"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end.

Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost.
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G68
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Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 268
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Thu Dec 08, 2016 5:22 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote


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"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sat Mar 18, 2017 4:35 pm    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the first semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents had given him for school.

Then he gets an idea.
He calls his Redneck father.

"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out.

The boy calls his father again.

"So how's Fido doing, son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this, they've had such good results with this program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class.

His father sends the money.

The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he gave the dog to a friend.

When he gets home, his father is all excited... "Where's Fido? I just can't wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I got out of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicking back in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked:
"Is your daddy still cheating on your mama and messing' around with that cute little redhead next door" ?

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that damn dog".

"I sure did, Dad!" "I sure did!"

"That's my boy."
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2209
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2017 7:32 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote



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johnboy
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Joined: 27 May 2011
Age: 2017
Posts: 581
Location: Rouyn-Noranda, Qc

1968 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sat Jul 15, 2017 4:59 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

gust read on the daily winks...
Trump while visiting Paris:
"Why, they copied the whole thing from Vegas..."
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