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TheRktmn
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 57
Posts: 8035
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 3:03 pm    Post subject: icon_winner Saturday Humor Reply with quote

An old but still ruggedly handsome Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally, the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously!? I mean, no sex since 1955!?"

Feeling charitable and a little bit drunk, she took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."


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Last edited by TheRktmn on Sat Dec 10, 2016 3:35 pm; edited 2 times in total
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70guncat
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 05, 2008 5:28 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Forgot about that one
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Texrep
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 60
Posts: 825
Location: Lemoore, Cali, USA


PostPosted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 5:35 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand. He is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrrr," the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key," the man replies.
About that time, the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch, and without missing a beat, blurts out, "Holy sh*t! My girlfriend's gone too!!"
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:18 pm    Post subject:  WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES? Reply with quote

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today."
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PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 7:30 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Mexico Drops Out Of 2008 Summer Olympics

President Felipe Calderon of Mexico has announced that Mexico
will not participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics.
He stated:
'Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, o la nadada ha
salido ya del pais.'
Translation:
'Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already
left the country!
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2209
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 9:39 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Whur'd they go?

@ MM.........
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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Texrep
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 60
Posts: 825
Location: Lemoore, Cali, USA


PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 1:27 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A man, having applied to join the police force in a small south Texas town, is being interviewed. The Chief says "Your qualifications are first-class but there is one test that you must pass before I can recruit you.'
Sliding a small bag across the desk, he continues "Take this gun, go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six suspected felons, and a rabbit."
The man says "Why the rabbit?"
"Fantastic attitude!" says the Chief.
"When can you start?"
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2209
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:59 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

......
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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Wombat
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 68
Posts: 1245
Location: Brisbane, Australia


PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2009 5:26 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming

Sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the

door, she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

"What are you doing?" She exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with

My parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a

Humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he

Found his daughter naked on a sofa with her vibrator. "What are

You doing?" He exclaimed.

The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with

my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband."

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound

again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she

found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away

beside him on the couch. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked.

He replied, "Watching the football with my son-in-law."
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Texrep
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 60
Posts: 825
Location: Lemoore, Cali, USA


PostPosted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 12:32 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

As men age, we start seeing more and more of the medical world and its employees, which nowadays seems to have more and more women as our Physicians and Therapists , etc., and in this case a new Urologist for me.
My family Doctor just recently referred me to a recent graduate, female urologist. I saw her yesterday, and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous...
She told me that I must stop masturbating. I asked her why, and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you......"
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