Forums-All The Curb The Backroom The Street The Cat House New Posts Search all posts Private Messaging Board Statistics
Classic Cougar Community MercuryCougar.net Johns Classic Cougars National Parts Depot NPD Cougar Parts RCCInnovations West Coast Classic Cougars
Main Gallery The Curbsters Curbster Albums
Reset Shoutbox
Show All Hide All Address Book The Fish Toggle Curbtime Weather Forecast Goto iCandy
Daily Babe
Butcher shop :55 Funniest joke 9:46 Hungarian 2:35 Inquisition 1:15 Lumberjack 2:10 Dead Parot 3:24 SPAM 3:23 Interview 6:00 Silly Walks 4:03 Argument 2:29 wink wink 2:21 Twit Race 5:19
TheCurb FAQs Your Settings Turn Candice ON Turn Candice OFF CeeLo:F**k You
The Curb
You are browsing the forum as a guest. Log in or register to access additional features.
The Curb Forum Index The Curb
A Hippie free, "No Moose" Zone
 
New PostsNew Posts    AlbumAlbum     SearchSearch     MemberlistMemberlist     GBGuestbook     UsergroupsUsergroups    RegisterRegister
ProfileProfile    Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages    Open all    Close all    Log inLog in
WDYD Jump to the Ant Farm

Turn Candice on

Turn Candice off

- Reload Boxes -
 Shoutbox
Saturday Humor
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
 
Post new topic   printer-friendly view    The Curb Forum Index -> The Keg
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Jan Ove
Full Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:53 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A wedding occurred, in Australia.

To keep tradition going, everyone got drunk and the bride's and groom's families had a humongous fight and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the crap out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting "Silence in Court."

The courtroom goes silent and DANNY (the best man) stands up and says, "Your honour, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened."

The judge agrees and asks Danny to take the stand. Danny begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in an Australian wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.

The judge says "OK."

"Well", said Danny, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song. All of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick in her privates."

The judge responded "God, that must have hurt!"

Danny replied "HURT! He broke three of my damn fingers!"
_________________
My Gallery
If i can't take this with me to Heaven, i'm gonna drive it straight to Hell

If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Jan Ove
Full Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sat Oct 15, 2016 7:29 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door.

He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there.

He asks if there is a problem.

One of the deputies asks if he is married.

The man replies, “Yes, I am.”

The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife.

The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them.

The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.”

The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."
_________________
My Gallery
If i can't take this with me to Heaven, i'm gonna drive it straight to Hell

If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:21 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote


_________________
Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Jan Ove
Full Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sat Oct 29, 2016 12:20 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Late one Friday night a policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

"Aye, so I have 'tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinnesses -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later..."

And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyser test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?"
_________________
My Gallery
If i can't take this with me to Heaven, i'm gonna drive it straight to Hell

If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 7:27 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

As I was just coming home and worrying about all the stuff going on in my life,
my family's lives, my friends’ lives, and what's happening in Washington, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East,
Hillary Clinton's scandals, Trump, Fox News, the downgrading of our military,
the terrorists infiltrating our border, the illegals, the refugees,
and how our country is rapidly losing its sanity and its Christianity, I saw a yard sign that said:
 
NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-555-3787
 
Out of curiosity and desperation, I called the number.  A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
 
_________________
Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
TheRktmn
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7941
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 10:16 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Now that ^ was funny!
_________________
Bob
My Gallery
<b>Rocketman's Classic Cougar Innovations</b>
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Jan Ove
Full Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 1:55 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer.

"Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.

"How do you figure?" asked John.

"Well, John - you know my ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me! But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down.

And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you TODAY!"
_________________
My Gallery
If i can't take this with me to Heaven, i'm gonna drive it straight to Hell

If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Sun Nov 06, 2016 8:45 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote


_________________
Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Jan Ove
Full Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 2:32 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting on a bench by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said,'Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.'

Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!' said Rosita.

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time,' Pedro begged.

'But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.' replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncita, just once, do Weeweechu with me.

'Rosita looked at Pedro and said, 'OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu.

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang .....

'Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Jear.
_________________
My Gallery
If i can't take this with me to Heaven, i'm gonna drive it straight to Hell

If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
TheRktmn
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7941
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 10:52 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (General Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile .

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people paddling and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people paddling.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were paddling.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the paddling team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people paddling the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the paddlers. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off one paddler, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated paddler was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles), so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year's racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, the End.


Here's something else to think about:
GM has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US , claiming they can't make money paying American wages.
TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US . The last quarter's results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while GM rack s up 9 billion in losses.
GM folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses...
_________________
Bob
My Gallery
<b>Rocketman's Classic Cougar Innovations</b>
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic   printer-friendly view    The Curb Forum Index -> The Keg All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7  Next
Page 6 of 7

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Close All
 iCandy 

Close All

Go to top of page

Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group :: Spelling by SpellingCow.
">