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Sunday Humor
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TheRktmn
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7941
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 1:35 pm    Post subject: icon_winner Sunday Humor Reply with quote

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known necking spot. He sees a
couple in a car, with the interior light Brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a
young man behind the wheel, reading a Computer magazine. He immediately
notices a young Woman in the rear seat, knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car And gently
raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"

The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat The cop says: "And her,
what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting A pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, Alone, in a car, at night
in a Lover's lane... And nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The Young man says "I'm 22,
sir."

The cop asks: "And her...what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.
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Last edited by TheRktmn on Sat Dec 10, 2016 3:37 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Wombat
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 68
Posts: 1241
Location: Brisbane, Australia


PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2009 10:06 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

In Canberra an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Prime Minister and the Treasurer before I die", whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to Parliament and waited for a response.

Soon the word arrived; Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and Treasurer Wayne Swan would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Kevin commented to Wayne , "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly will help our images and might even get me re-elected Prime Minister. After all, I'm IN IT TO WIN IT". Wayne agreed that it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Kevinís hand in his right hand and Wayne ís hand in his left.

There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally Kevin Rudd spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."

"Amen", said Kevin. "Amen", said Wayne .

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sun Mar 21, 2010 4:12 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE






A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the

airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,

'Let's talk.I've heard that flights go quicker if you

strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed

it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you

like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about

nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.

But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,

and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a

deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a

flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried

grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's

intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have

no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel

qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know



shit?
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johnboy
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Joined: 27 May 2011
Age: 2017
Posts: 571
Location: Rouyn-Noranda, Qc

1968 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 10:26 am    Post subject:  best fookin rooster in Texas! Reply with quote

One Texas gentelman raised chickens. As any other average, ordinary, everyday Texan, he didn't do things small.

He had 3 chicken coops, each with 100,000 chickens. To service these chickens, he has a special coop where he kept his roosters (You do need those...)

One night, all hell broke loose. Some furry beasties got in the rooster coop, and killed all the roosters. Things sure got complicated. He started by calling all the people he knew, triyng to purchase or borrow roosters. No luck.

He even started consulting the want ads, and, at one point, saw this unbelievable ad where one man advertised "the best fookin' rooster in Texas! Garanteed to satisfy up tu 1 million hens! $50,000.00"

A quick phonecall, and our man took off with his pickup, and a cage. The seller reiterated his garantee, good for one million hens, or his money back, anytime!. He paid the money, the seller put the ugliest rooster he had ever seen in the cage, and started driving back home.

when he turned onto his rural road, the chicken started seriously pacing the the cage.

When He got out of the truck to open his gate, the rooster started taking runs at the cages'gate, and was making some kind of growling.

As soon as he got to the end of the driveway, he stopped the truck, got out, grabbed the cage and the rooster was really charging the little gate with a wild look in his eyes. He put the cage down, and as he was going to open it before it hurt itself, the rooster busted right out.

He ran straight at chicken coop #1, busted down the door, did every hen in there, busted down the back door, beelined straight for coop #2, blew right through the back door, did all 100,000 hens, slammed through the front door, then, straight to coop #3. same story, and all 100,000 hens in there got taken care of. After the last one, be blew right out the back door, and headed to the house. Rammed in the front door, took care of the man's wife, the dog, and the 2 cats. he looked around, couldn'ft find anything else, and busted through the back door, right of the porch, and dropped right there.

Our Chicken man couldn't believe his eyes. He called the seller, explained all that had happened, and asked the seller to come pick up his rooster, and to give him his money back. The guy on the phone asked if he was sure the rooster was dead. That wasn't right, because he easily deals with the million mark. the rancher looks out, and tells the dealer that it's dead. The vultures are already circling.

The seller starts to laugh, and asks the rancher to check if one of the rooster's eyes isn't open. Sure enough, one eye is open.

"there ya go! he saw those vultures. and as soon as they come down for him, he's going to do them too!"

yes sir! that there is the best fookin' rooster in Texas!
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 8:14 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Methinks that Rooster go by the name......TODD!!!!!
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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irreverantScamp
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Age: 54
Posts: 1482
Location: A Socialists paradise

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 7:34 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

mo2872 wrote:
Methinks that Rooster go by the name......TODD!!!!!


Iffin' he dont, we could make him an honorary Todd..... just for being so "Todd-like". 'Cept I've never tagged a buzzard. Not that I recall anyway.
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DDawg
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PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:52 pm    Post subject:  Jokes for a Sunday (take two, they're kinda small) Reply with quote

Wife Jokes, what can I say....

Man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead."
The operator says how do you know?
He says "The sex is the same, but the laundry is starting to pile up!"





A wife says to her husband "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back!"
He says, "What do you expect? You're in a wheelchair."
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johnboy
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Joined: 27 May 2011
Age: 2017
Posts: 571
Location: Rouyn-Noranda, Qc

1968 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 2:54 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

hahaha !

ouch...
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:55 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

......
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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johnboy
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Joined: 27 May 2011
Age: 2017
Posts: 571
Location: Rouyn-Noranda, Qc

1968 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 3:30 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

As a MODEST follow-up to Scamp's remarks on another thread,...

I met this woman who told me she needed 12" and it had to hurt

to satisfy her, so...

I gave 2 shots of 6" and punched her in the nose
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