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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Wed Oct 05, 2016 7:57 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
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Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:56 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."

Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.

Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
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Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:59 am    Post subject:  OMG! Reply with quote

Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!"

"What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?"

"No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
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Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2016 12:41 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had.

She went on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.Finally, after allowing this to continue for a length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk, asked the wife to stand, and embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
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If i can't take this with me to Heaven, i'm gonna drive it straight to Hell

If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2016 7:51 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.

This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, 'Do you know what your asshole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
 
She replied, 'Probably golfing with his buddies.’
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2017 8:56 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish.

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever."

"Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life.”

"OK, then, I want to die after the government balances the budget and eliminates the debt."

"You crafty little bastard," said the genie.
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TheRktmn
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7940
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2017 9:18 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

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mo2872
Full Curbster


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2017 11:36 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

The daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my boyfriend said to me, that I did not understand.”

“He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

Her Dad said, "You tell your boyfriend that if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe."
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Wed Mar 15, 2017 3:00 pm    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

An older couple who were both widowed had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked rather tentatively.
 
"I would like it infrequently "she replied.
 
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, thinking, adjusted his glasses then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Wed Mar 29, 2017 1:23 pm    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

I went on holiday last week.

As I laid on the beach, being massaged by a beautiful woman, I looked at my wife and said:

"This is the life, isn't it?"

She just completely ignored me.

"Isn't it?" i asked again.

She continued to ignore me.

"OK, go to hell then," i said,
"I don't know why I even bothered to skype you.
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