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mo2872
Full Curbster


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:50 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Thought for the day:

A gun is like a parachute. If you need one, and don't have one, you'll probably never need one again.
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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TheRktmn
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7941
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:28 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Amen to that.
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Bob
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<b>Rocketman's Classic Cougar Innovations</b>
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irreverantScamp
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Age: 54
Posts: 1482
Location: A Socialists paradise

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:34 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

TESTIFY BROTHER 3!
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"Tolerance and apathy are the last virtues of a dying society." Aristotle
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TheRktmn
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7941
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 7:07 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

The Italian Virginity Test

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his Bride-to-be is still a Virgin.

His doctor says ... "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit:
a small can of Red paint, a small can of Blue paint, and a Shovel."

Mario asks ... "And what do I do with these things, doc?"

The doctor replies ... "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls Red and the other ball Blue.
If she says ... 'That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen !', ..........you hit her with the Shovel.
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Wombat
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 68
Posts: 1241
Location: Brisbane, Australia


PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 6:08 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

IDIOT SIGHTING.

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, 'you gave me too much money.'
I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.'
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.'
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since...this happened in Ipswich, Qld
IDIOT SIGHTING.

I live in a semi rural area.
We recently had a new neighbour call the local council P & W office to request the removal of the WOMBAT CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: 'Too many wombats are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'
Story from Collingwood, Melbourne.

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.

My daughter went to a Mexican takeaway and ordered a taco.
She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Bankstown, Sydney.....

IDIOT SIGHTING.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee in ATO Newcastle NSW AU.

IDIOT SIGHTING.

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:35 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

, good ones!
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1410
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:35 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

i already did that side,
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If i can't take this with me to Heaven, i'm gonna drive it straight to Hell

If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
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Wombat
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 68
Posts: 1241
Location: Brisbane, Australia


PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:42 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

I was walking through the mall the other day, and went into a Muslim Book Store.
The clerk asked if he could help me,

so I asked for a copy of the "Australian Immigration Policy Book".


The Clerk said "fook Off!, Get out! And Stay Out!"

I said, "Yes, that's the one."
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TheRktmn
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7941
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 4:47 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote


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Bob
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 9:10 am    Post subject:  VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES Reply with quote

VERY BRAVE MAN JOKES

1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!

2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..

4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

5 - Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.

6 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long

7 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

8 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

9 - Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

10 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course; He'll shut up once you let him in.

11 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

12 - Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.
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Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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