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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 4:28 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her!" the young man exclaimed.

"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife" replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd take her pants down and spank her."


Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down, I'm not mad anymore."
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G68
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Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 268
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 9:57 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Jan Ove wrote:
A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend.

"She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her!" the young man exclaimed.

"Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife" replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd take her pants down and spank her."


Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down, I'm not mad anymore."


LOLOLOL!!!! GOOD ONE! !
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"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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johnboy
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Joined: 27 May 2011
Age: 2017
Posts: 581
Location: Rouyn-Noranda, Qc

1968 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2015 8:00 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

good ones gents!
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 2:04 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt.

A few days later, I walked into my mother's home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed.

That did not strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them.


"Do not look at me that way," she yelled. "The phone started ringing and I could not figure out how to undo this stupid clip!"
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2209
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Apr 17, 2015 10:53 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees. The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled, "Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!"
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. "Calm down, we acknowledge you and we'll guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!".
He began his series of questions:
Tower: "How do you know you are traveling at 18,000 feet??"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the altimeter dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, that's good, remain calm. How do you know you're traveling at 180 mph?"
Aircraft: "I can see that it reads 180 mph on the airspeed dial in front of me."
Tower: "Okay, this is great so far, but it's heavily overcast, so how do you know you're flying
upside down?"
Aircraft: "The poop in my pants is running out of my shirt collar!!!!"
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sun Jun 21, 2015 4:52 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

One winter morning during breakfast a husband and wife in Northern Minnesota were listening to the radio.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car.


A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..." Then the electric power went out.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied,

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2209
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 7:28 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a 'peel and win' sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, 'I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!'

The waitress says, 'That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.'

But the blonde keeps on screaming, 'I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!'

Finally, the manager comes over and says, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize.'

The blonde says, 'No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!'

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads....................














Wait for it.............














'W I N A B A G E L'
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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:12 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

The blonde had been married about a year. One day she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy. He didn't know how to react, so he started jumping up and down along with her.

"Why are we so happy?" he asked.


She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

"Great" he said, "tell me why you're so happy about."

She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down "I'm pregnant!" she gasped.

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while. He grabbed her, and kissed her

"Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn't be happier!"

Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more."

"What do you mean more?", he asked.

"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant "How do you know that," he asked.

"It was easy," she said."I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit."

"Both tests came out positive!
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TheRktmn
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 57
Posts: 8035
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 8:53 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a diaper head Muslim, sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden.

Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel, killing him instantly.

He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it.

Astonished, I got back into bed.

My wife said, "You're shaking, what is it?"

"You'll never believe what I've just seen." I said, "That son of a bitch next door still has my shovel."
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 268
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2015 8:34 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"
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