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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:00 am    Post subject: icon_winner Monday Humor Reply with quote

USA had a plan on being the first ones landing on the moon, so they did their thing and launched a space shuttle in the direction to the moon, and as the shuttle approached the moon they saw that the Russians already had landed on the moon.
sprrklb Huston sprrrklrb Huston, we have a problem, we are now approaching the moon, and we see the Russians have alredy landed on the moon, and they are painting it Red...
what shall we do ??
This is Huston, just wait till the Russians have finished painting the moon red, then land and write Coca Cola in white.
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1968w427gte
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 60
Posts: 783
Location: KY, USA

1967 Mercury Cougar GT

PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 10:48 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Having a bad day? Not as bad as this guy:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12036517/
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TheRktmn
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 57
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Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 11:50 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.
One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.
Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and
says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand?? This is a Catholic country, this city is the seed of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
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LiLWrink
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Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Age: 38
Posts: 1814
Location: Facebook, North Central Texas, USA


PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 12:29 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Aint it the truth!
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 03, 2006 4:48 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

8)A woman, Hillary Clinton, was in a hot air balloon and realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am,"replied the man.
"How did you know?"
"Well," answered Hillary, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," she replied, "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 7:54 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Two al Qaida mothers are sitting in the cafe chatting over
a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her
bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start
reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years
old now."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheer-
fully.
"He's a martyr now though," mum confides.
"Oh so sad, dear," says the other.
"And this is my second son Habib. He's 21."
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily. "He had such
curly hair when he was born."
"He's a martyr too," says mum quietly.
"Oh gracious me," says the other.
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's
18," she whispers.
"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he
first started school."
"He's a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second al Qaida mother
looks at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast,
don't they?"
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TheRktmn
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Posts: 8035
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1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 7:19 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he ask
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.......
"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
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TheRktmn
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 57
Posts: 8035
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 7:22 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" she asked.
"They're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a Daddy Long Legs." her father answered.
"So, the other one is Mommy Long Legs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied. "Both of them are Daddy Long Legs."
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat and said, "Well, it might be OK in California or Massachusetts, but we're not having any of that shit here in Texas."
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LiLWrink
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Joined: 23 Jun 2005
Age: 38
Posts: 1814
Location: Facebook, North Central Texas, USA


PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2006 7:42 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

amen.
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TheRktmn
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 57
Posts: 8035
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 5:55 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that was the time the cock fights occurred in the village.
So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up. "No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the alter boys stood up.....
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