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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 269
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 8:17 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

I'm not alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
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Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 269
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Sep 30, 2016 8:20 am    Post subject:  Pricey Lingerie Reply with quote

An almost blind guy walked into Lover's Lane to purchase their most see-through item for his wife.
After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $500 and brought it home for his wife to try on.
She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit.
But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all.
So she came downstairs completely naked.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."
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Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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Jan Ove
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Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Sun Oct 02, 2016 4:40 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.

The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

The second man replied, "I turned off the light.
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If the woman don't find you handsome, then at least they should find you handy
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mo2872
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Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2209
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Mon Oct 03, 2016 7:39 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote


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Todd
I really like your sister, but your mom does that thing with her tongue.....
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 269
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Fri Oct 21, 2016 10:40 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

"My God, what happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a tiff with Riley"

"Riley? He's just a wee fellow" the barkeep said, surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."

"Aye, a shovel it was" Kelly said.

"Dear Lord, didn't you have anything in YOUR hand?"

"Aye, that I did...Mrs. Riley's breast" Kelly said. "And a beautiful thing it was...but not much use in a fight!"
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 269
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2016 9:47 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Jeb and Cousin Easy "The Golf Game"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UualsFAxiFI
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Grant

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Jan Ove
Full Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 46
Posts: 1420
Location: Norway


PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2016 12:57 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Edna would say, "I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, "Edna, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Edna replied, "Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.

They land and the pilot turns to Fred, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Fred replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out of the plane, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 269
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 10:42 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.
"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles".
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Grant

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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 269
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 10:43 am    Post subject:   Reply with quote

A man has a racehorse that never won a race. The man says in disgust, "Horse, you win today or you pull a milk wagon tomorrow morning."
The starting gate opens and all the horses take off running except for the man's horse which is lying there asleep on the track.
He kicks the horse and asks, "Why are you sleeping?"
The sleepy horse raises his head and says, "I have to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning."
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Grant

"If I wasn't here, I would probably be somewhere else"
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TheRktmn
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 57
Posts: 8038
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Thu Dec 01, 2016 3:22 pm    Post subject:   Reply with quote

Good ones!
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