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mo2872
Full Curbster


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Thu Apr 20, 2017 9:50 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of
Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that
a new bellringer was needed. The bishop decided that he
would conduct the interviews personally and went up into
the belfry to begin the screening process. After
observing several applicants demonstrate their skills,
he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man
approached him and announced that he was there to apply
for the bellringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man, "Observe!"

He then began striking the bells with his face, producing
a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened
in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a
suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing
forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and
plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death
in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.
When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around
the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had
heard only moments before. As they silently parted to
let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop replied, sadly,
"but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily
on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless
campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for
the bellringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach
him said,
"Your excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless
wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.
I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in
this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the
armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike
the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died
on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief
at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop,
"But he's a dead ringer for his brother."
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mo2872
Full Curbster


Joined: 26 Oct 2007
Age: 2017
Posts: 2179
Location: Tulsa, OK

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 8:34 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

A blonde checks into a doctors office for an employment drug test, and the nurse asks, "Can you tell us your age, please?"

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "25!"

The nurse tries another straightforward question, "can you tell us your height, please?"

The young blonde stands up and removes a measuring tape from her handbag. Trapping one end under her foot, she extends the tape to the top of her head. After checking the measurement, she announces, "Five foot five!"

Very confused and wondering if there's something funny going on, the nurse asks, "And to confirm for our records, your name please?"

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, "Stephanie!"

The nurse is completely baffled and more than a little suspicious at this stage, so asks, "Just out of curiosity ... we can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"

"Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me singing through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
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G68
FNG Curbster


Joined: 05 May 2012
Age: 57
Posts: 243
Location: OFallon Missouri

1968 Mercury Cougar

PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 3:08 pm    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

Boudreaux was sitting in a bar in Maurice, Louisiana one night and had several beers under his belt. After a while he looks over at the guy sitting next to him and asks, "Hey, you wanna hear a good Okie joke?"

The big guy replies, "Let me tell you something. I'm an oilfield roughneck, I weigh 270 pounds, and I don't like Cajuns. My buddy here is a pro football player, weighs 300 pounds, and he doesn't like Cajuns either. His friend on his other side is a pro wrestler, weighs 320 pounds, always has a chip on his shoulder, and he likes Cajuns even less than we do and we're all Okies. Do you really wan to tell an Okie joke?"

Boudreaux, all 150 pounds of Cajun attitude says, "Well, I guess not. After all, I don't want to have to explain it 3 times!"
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TheRktmn
Original Curbster


Joined: 22 Jun 2005
Age: 56
Posts: 7940
Location: TX, USA

1969 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:21 am    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, I lasted less than a day.
About two hours into my first day on the job, a very loud, mean-looking woman walked into the store with her two kids yelling obscenities all the way through the entrance.

The Conversation:

Me: Good Morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there, are they twins?

(of course, her children were two years apart, and while they share common features, they certainly didn't look like each other).

The Woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no, they ainít twins. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins. Are you blind or stupid?".

Me: "I'm neither blind nor stupid, ma'am. I just can't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart".

The Walmart manager flew into a rage as he fired me. Well, at least I now know that I'm not suited for customer service.
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johnboy
Full Curbster


Joined: 27 May 2011
Age: 2017
Posts: 571
Location: Rouyn-Noranda, Qc

1968 Mercury Cougar XR7

PostPosted: Thu Nov 30, 2017 12:14 pm    Post subject: icon_note  Reply with quote

Actually, that would fit me to a tee Guess I shouldn't apply at WalMart...
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